WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!
Welcome back. Last time I was thrust deep into a new conflict because heroes have no holidays except mostly August and generally February too. Seems someone is around causing havoc in Spain and this girl saw it. Hopefully no one minds this despite the famous thing that happened on Friday...
: Bet everyone understands.
: Who is “this girl” now? I am...
: ...so get it right!
: What the girl with the sexy voice said!
: Thanks for the praise, and your voice sounds wonderful too!
: Idiots...
: And you sound like one of my fellow brigade members! Mostly...
Anyway, can you tell me what did you saw?
: Sure! But first I need something else.
A blog?
: No! Let me put these cuties in cosplay! *embraces Katja and Chiaki*
Sure thing.
: Wait, slave, what the hell?
: ...Idiot.
: Excellent! Here I goooo! *dashes off with the lolis*
Hopefully this will not take long... *Haruhi soon comes back*
: Even decided to try something myself, so enjoy! *wears her trademark brown bunnygirl costume albeit with a thong bottom*
: Slave, tonight you will pay for this... *wears just a frilly apron*
: If only I had Fujioka... *wears a really cute sukumizu albeit the bottom keeps on wedging*
Looks stunning and amazing! Cosplay beauties are the best!
: Right? Life should be fun, and cosplays are fun! *shakes her brown bunny ass*
: Come to think of it, the nutso has a point. Slave, tonight I will wear this during the usual femdom ritual! *does the gorilla mating dance*
: Now that is called “ritual” apparently... *keeps on fixing her sukumizu bottom*
This is hard to endure... Um, Haruhi, can you explain what you saw now?
: Of course! But since I know you need a blog somewhere just go do that!
Head
Hair
Haruhi has dark brown hair, one of the best colors. In the novels her hair is black and of course that is much better, shame on KyoAni changing that for no reason. She has long hair but not that long, just past her shoulders. Time to tackle the elephant in the room concerning Haruhi’s hair length: she cut her hair. NOOOOOOO! And Kyon was the culprit as between this and making Yuki ditch her glasses he must want to ruin every main heroine. If only he balanced things by making Mikuru lose those cow udders. At least there is the saving grace of Disappearance making that terrible event disappear for much more long hair Haruhi awesomeness. It reaches her waist! Too bad her bangs look generic either way, but not bad at least. Might as well cover the OTHER elephant since holy crap this room is huge. Since Kyon was not pleased with the haircut he also has this annoying ponytail fetish and because of it Haruhi is often shown with one. The regular one looks dumb and the long hair one is better but still nothing great, and for something that happened once it would be fine but this is spread enough to be plenty noticeable. Speaking of, before her haircut Haruhi would have 0-6 tails on her hair in the same pattern every time: none on Monday, one on Tuesday, two on Wednesday, and so on. Looked pretty silly. She would also wear hairbands of different colors according to the day in ways that made sense for the Japanese and no one else. After the haircut everything changed and she stuck with her trademark orange hairband, albeit rarely artworks change it. Also she keeps it on with her bunnysuit costume’s ears as that amused many, no doubt. If nothing else Haruhi’s hair is very interesting.
Grade: B+
Eyes
Haruhi has brown eyes. The color is great and goes with her hair well, so no complaints for that at all. The shape is tsurime and fairly notable even, because of her take charge personality no doubt. She even wears glasses in one image, though fairly standard glasses. Ultimately Haruhi’s eyes are not flawless but still quite solid.
Grade: A-
: So many words for my hair, but my eyes get so little? And what is wrong with ponytails again?
Ponytails are boring, overrated, and overused! Twintails are better! And braids!
: Sadly my hair is not long enough for braids, but I can do THIS! *puts on thick glasses gladly*
Wonderful! Truly glasses moe is amazing!
: Of course! Once I’m back I’ll get Yuki-chan and Mikuru-chan to wear glasses the whole time! The world needs to be full with girls in glasses!
: And girls with gases.
: But no literally gaslighting underage girls, as that would be bad.
Body
Build
Haruhi has measurements, something always welcome. At 158 cm her height is not too bad, since even if she beats the other two main girls Asakura and Tsuruya are taller so ultimately Haruhi ends average. Plus Kyon is taller. Haruhi weights 44 kg so fine as well. She lacks measurements, but as far her chest goes she is the average between fellow main heroines Yuki and Mikuru which is nice. Most official art seems to not focus on her bust and in fact one image even makes her kinda flat. Sadly she has one huge problem here in the form of Yuki-chan hot springs ep, where her chest was really featured but like really really featured. It got annoying to the point it hurts her score but only slightly. To be fair KyoAni also gave her horrible chest bounce in the OP for the first anime, but since everyone remembered the ED only is fine. She is fine just about everywhere else tho, with sexy powerful legs, cute feet, flat stomach, and everything else that I always bring up. For completeness we see her in middle school and is as adorable and amazing as expected, has tanlines for one beach image, and in another official pic she is giant and sits on planet Earth hard though sadly giantesses this huge are not appealing at all. All in all seems Haruhi has lots of positive things, shame poor eps cause so much trouble.
Grade: B+
Butt
Haruhi shows her butt quite a bit in official art and is pretty nice, in fact she shows it so often in KyoAni works she might as well be the butt girl of the series. Too bad nobody else noticed this, so fans kinda ignore it and Satelight mostly does too as the universe loathes female butts and female ones only. If Haruhi created the current existence at some point she should fart everything off and try again, because this world sucks so much that Haruhi does not score as high as she deserves to.
Grade: C+
: Sorry, but even I cannot fart that hard!
Oh? And what is the hardest you can fart?
: Glad you asked!
: At least someone is glad...
: See, when the club room gets boring I just rip a big one and the whole room shakes so hard Mikuru-chan trips and Yuki-chan loses her focus from the smell.
Sounds very sexy! Though no doubt your panties end ripped...
: Yes, that is why I only wear backless panties now!
Clothes
Haruhi has loads and loads of costumes, something always good. Sadly her default one is probably the worst one: the school uniform, a generic white and blue sailor uniform with this bizarre skirt that is too tight for pantyshots but not enough to appreciate the butt curvature and thus is crap and horrible. Luckily in the Disappearance world such horrible uniform is replaced by a superior black blazer and skirt with bowtie that works much better. She has more clothes of course, the most iconic being her brown bunnygirl costume with PANTYHOSE as all bunnies should have. Besides that we have the lame cheerleader costume from the bouncy OP scene mentioned earlier, her captain clothes from the Day of Sagittarius 3 that were kinda cool, her orange shirt and denim shorts when younger, and in the novel her skiing costume. And plenty of swimsuits too but those are taken for granted. Oh, and yukata and Kyon’s gym uniform, kinda forgot about those. The manga has a nice miko cosplay too. On top of that official art adds buruma gym uniform albeit blue, amazing black and white frilly gothloli, fur bikini of the kitty type, cute Santa girl of various types, black ice skating clothes, modern school swimsuit, towel, various kimono included epic red one, sports bra and shorts, queen of hearts but sadly is not the Rain fighting suit, cute pink nightgown, cool rocker, lovely gymnastics clothes, different gym uniform with RED buruma and name tag, adorable pajamas, more gothloli, wedding dress, gunslinger girl, red Chinese dress with very elaborate pattern, flamenco dress plus others though in chibi form, red and black cocktail dress, taiko player with spats, pirate, school uniform variation with nice cardigan and absolute territory plus scarf, red maid, policewoman, shirt only or moe shirt, alternate cheerleader, typical Snow White, race queen, white sukumizu, and lots more bikinis and kimono that you can shake a stick at. Plus normal clothes, some quite nice too. In addition, in her school uniform and in some other costumes she hears the famous Club Leader red armband. All in all Haruhi has monstrous variety and can defeat most girls at this, only missing proper naked apron to achieve perfection.
Grade: A+
: Told you, right? Cosplay is justice! And will make sure to wear naked apron just for that elusive perfect score!
: No offense, but this is the top score one can achieve.
: Wait, does this mean there is no secret S-Rank if you fulfill some insane requirements?
Nope.
: Boo! That’s lame! *pouts* Though at least you appreciate my costumes so thanks for that! *shakes her ass* Enjoy the view, and then write more!
Mind
Personality
Haruhi is not an ordinary human. In fact she apparently is a very unique individual who can manipulate reality on a whim to the point some compare her to a god and is often treated as such by fans, though the one time this is brought up by Koizumi it was just shown as a theory. Anyway Haruhi considers reality boring and wants to meet with aliens, espers, sliders, and time travelers to play with them and make life more fun because space fun is better. Funny thing is those things exist, but they are hiding this fact from Haruhi because if she found out she can manipulate reality thing would really go south and that is bad. Also because deep in Haruhi is unsure if they exist. Despite the insecurity on this Haruhi is 120% proud and in high school she introduces herself as not being interested in real humans and looking for aliens and stuff. Instead she ends kinda making friends with ordinary human John Smith err Kyon who gives her the idea sorta of making a club to find those people, and for Haruhi hijacks the Literature club room with its one member, brings some senpai cow because reasons, and also invites in the transfer student because he must be mysterious and stuff. All of these happen to be people like Haruhi wants and they all tell Kyon but leave Haruhi out of the loop. And from here on lots of wacky adventures happen where Kyon and friends try hard to not let the nosy Haruhi find out about the crazy stuff going on. In Yuki-chan however this instead is slightly different, as Haruhi is just a normal person relatively speaking who is friends with Yuki and such and loves to hang along.
As implied if not outright said several times above Haruhi is very much out there and is kinda crazy in the good way, using fictional story logic to justify her actions and being really energetic and active. This is not bad, mind; in fact I saw the show for her as the idea of the main girl being weird and strange was appealing. Having Haruhi talk about story convections like that was funny if nothing else. That said so much energy can get troublesome for those around her as Kyon has problems keeping up with her new wacky idea most of the time, and while this is also libido Haruhi really likes Mikuru or at least seems to enjoy playing with her body a tad too much. Note Mikuru is fine with all of this and in fact her future self looks back on it as great times, so there. Haruhi does eventually learn to behave slightly and is shown to care about others, one of the best examples being the not adapted story where Yuki gets ill and Haruhi is at her side the whole time trying her best to nurse her beloved club member to health. Funny thing is despite how insanely popular the anime is there are few series who copied the idea of the wacky carefree lead or at least did it half as well as Haruhi actually did. But that shows how amazing Haruhi is if few can replicate her character right. To delve into minor details Haruhi is quite talented at both studies and sports and also an amazing singer which surprises Kyon lots. She is bad at games and making good club logos as nobody is perfect. Early on when angry she makes closed spaces where giants beat up buildings, but as Kyon and friends cheer her up the spaces vanish. Also her blood type is the rare AB so there is that. She is also a good cook, which is sadly rare for modern harem heroines. In Yuki-chan her personality is largely the same but with no powers though she still steals the show with her presence. All in all Haruhi is very interesting and unique, definitely a good reason her show got popular, and more epic crazy weird quirky female leads like her would be most welcome.
Grade: A-
Libido
Haruhi is interesting at this. Early on she says she would date anyone if they are aliens or time travelers or any of the other things she likes, which makes her bisexual kinda sorta. The bisexual thing seems to be reinforced by how much she enjoys teasing constantly poor Mikuru even if deep in she loves Kyon the most. Funny thing is the novels outright show Haruhi likes Kyon best while Mikuru loves Haruhi so that could really work. On top of that Haruhi is aware of moe and that people like glasses and other things, but mistakenly things busty girls are most popular when most often glorious flat chest ones are. Still, seeing her discuss fetishes this casually was quite welcome and beats the “WAAAAAH SEXUALITY IS EVIL” many main heroines sport still. She even has no problem getting changed in front of men, which is kinda amusing. Wish Haruhi was sexually dominant, though overall her casual attitude with perversion and decent romance net her this nice score. Also not sure where to list this exactly so here it goes: there was a long genderswap Haruhi meme going on for quite some time. Not just Haruhi, the whole cast. It was dumb and is best to act like it has never happened, just to save the fanbase some collective face.
Grade: B
: Haruhi, would you like to become a sadist with me and abuse Zettai together?
: Of course! Bet when we blindfold him up he will be unable to tell us apart!
: Bet he will if you facesit him, as the idiot could tell your butts apart!
Hey, remember I am still here...
: Big deal, as if people paid you any attention.
: Right, as sitting on him while doing other things is also fun.
: Exactly!
Age
Haruhi is a first year high school student, so 15 and becomes 16 at some point. From the eighth book on she is in second year. Via time travel we see her middle school self and that is pretty cool, and also her college one sadly even though Mikuru is never shown during childhood. Still, not too bad. Haruhi’s birthday is the 8th of October so early happy birthday.
Grade: B+
Voice
Aya Hirano is great, and more so because of the unexpected epic God Knows song that actually delivers the “and Haruhi sung awesomely” the book says. Too bad because of this role KyoAni went into full onanism mode in Lucky Star and made Hirano do the main heroine Konata and milk this with about over 9000 references to Haruhi in like every episode, like the Superman jokes in Seinfeld thing only for real. Kinda sucks someone decided Haruhi should get tons of jokes and Full Metal Panic would be also referenced often yet Kanon, as in the show aired literally right before Lucky Star at the time, only got two crummy jokes. Even rival franchises Da Capo and Shuffle got better jokes and that is really sad. But that aside Haruhi has one great voice.
Grade: A
Total: 84 (B+)
: Nice score, certainly better than this fool Topaz gave me back then!
Well, in his defense he wrote that over half a decade ago.
: And it shows. No mentions of the spin-offs or the novel-only material, barely any detail on my many costumes, nothing about my beautiful middle school self, no references to my voice actress, no praise for my glorious ass...
Well, people make mistakes when starting out. Like Mega Man forgetting about taxes.
: Hmph! So are you okay with him slandering girls you like now?
No, because he slanders no one, just gives his honest opinion. Not all girls end scoring that well but that happens.
: Guess you defend him just because he’s your friend after all!
That he is! Even if I get rude with some blogs...
: Nico nico nii! *does hand pose*
: Pretty much, Chiaki,
: At any rate, the one you look for is a giantess.
WHAT?
: Well, giantesses are-
No, no, that I know! But love the idea! Where did she go?
: Over yonder. *points yonder*
YEEEEEEEEEEES! *runs towards yonder*
: Wait, idiot! *chases after Zettai fast*
: Thanks for these fine clothes and your support, Haruhi. Hopefully another day with more time we can talk longer.
: Of course, cute sound-alike loli, as I would love to hear more about these weird girls that Zettai keeps on meeting...
: Good! But now I must go, so goodbye! *dashes off*
: See you! *marches off* Actually, think I want to see more of that giantess as that sounds interesting. *dashes after the rest*
So, where is the giantess? Damn, she must be surprisingly fast...
: Let the great Kyouka help you!





















































