Le Story of Saitou Hajime
told by SirJoker based on internets researching
Disclaimer: Most of the little stories about Saitous life in the following text are fictional tho they have been created based on the actual true history information. I am not trying to make Saitou look bad nor do i wish for as he still remains in my eyes, one of the most badass guys in the history of Japan!~
[spoiler]It was a humid early Sunday morning of February the 18th. The Sun was timidly shedding over the sleepy Musashi no Kuni as a voice of a child crying disrupted the peace. It was Yamaguchi Hajime's first meeting with the world. A boy that will later be know and remain in the history books as Saitou Hajime - 1844
As the time flies, people, reformers, battles, fights, wars, political problems all one over another where creating the Edo period and changing the history of Japan. Hajime was growing aside with his family (u dont need to know about his family). One day shit goes wrong...
...actually shit was always going wrong, cause Hajime-kun wasn't your usual boya around the Edo streets, he wanted to do stuff and learn things. He was feeling the bushido call into his veins. Because of that, if there were any bad things going on around the Musashi Province, he was right there to see whats up.
And sooo when he turned 18, you know that age when you feel like doing things (u know wut im talking about u were that age too) he was walking down them streets of Musashi with his best friend. Suddenly from like the sky a katana fell into his hand, and he was like "wow whats this". And some random samurai was walking down the streets as well and Hajime saw him and looked at the samurai and then looked at his katana and was like "u know what my anonymous best friend? imma use this katana on that mofo cuz im sick of this ppl all for the shogun nothing for the us. They need to serves us too they are doing it the wrong way" And slash! ittoryu shishi sonson and cut that bastard in two.
He killed him.
Accidentally....
When his father, who was a foot-soldier employed to samurais, found out his son killed a damn samurai, he walk all the way home in rage, found Hajime, slap Hajime and said to him "u no son of mine! how am i gonna show my face in this town as an ashiguru ever again!" But Hajime didnt cared about all of that, he changed his name and the next day was off town.
As years go by he didn't remain a regular he, he reinvented himself and become The He. The He who was not predisposed to small talk. The He would not drag his fee as we walk. The He who had supreme talents as a swordsmen, the He who was short but looked taller than most-men, The He was mysterious and react to situations quicker, The He was in fact in love only with his liquor. But no one ever dared insult this kenjutsu master as he sat seiza reveling his aura of a monster. Only a 3rd squad captain with the power of true commander, spies, soldiers, not even Okita Souji would dare banter. Dignified and intimidating as Saitou was, he executed a few corrupted dudes just because. To which Shinsengumi hasn't spoke a word ? But seriously now all this rumors are absurd.
Ironically as fate can be Saitou too become a hatamoto. This kinda reminds us of that samurai he killed before we went to Kyoto. However Saitou was better than that as he was now taking part in the Boshin War, winning battle after battle until Hijikata Toshizou got injured. And Saitou was like "u know what imma take the lead. But wait Saitou is not mainstream enough imma call myself Yamaguchi Jirou for a while". And things went well for a couple of months until Hijikata got better more or less but he wanted to come back. Saitou took his sword and run into the Aizu Battle, cause fighting was more relaxing than dealing will the Hijikata bastard.
After that came the Battle of Nyorai-dou where Saitou was an expert and disguised himself but everyone else was like "Hey that drunk devil is dead". Imagine everyone's face when Saitou came back walking down them streets so fly like "Sorry bitches Not yet".
From Ichinose Denpachi to Fujita Gorou, Saitou had all kind of names, jobs, wifes, kids and grandkids. But not even in his old ages he didn't loose his pride and class. As Edo period was crumbling and kanatanas were not allowed, he had still the power and guts to keep his dangling fancy on his pants letting ppl know ain't no common lad.
In this time and period when most people wont reach 60, Saitou Hajime got up to 72 even with a stomach ulcer. And while sitting saiza like he always did he closed his eyes, he smiled and that's it.
Le Story of Date Masamune - Purple version
as told by SirJoker based on internet researching
Disclaimer: The fictional tells of the daily life of Date Masamune are made of pure imagination based on the actual history information. However, I am not trying in any way to insult or make fun of the history of Japan or of the great man Date Masamune himself! I still find fascinating to read and learn about the great personalities in the history of Japan~♥
-----
[spoiler]Long time ago before you was born or before your parents were born, even before your grandparents where born or their grandparents were born... looooong before all of that, there was a time when Japan was covered in military conflict. This time is known as the
Sengoku Period (around the years of
1467 to 1603). After that the
Edo Period started where lots of badass ppl were born and did lots of cool things. However, this specially badass mofo imma tell you about, was born in the middle of this crazy Sengoku period. More exactly, there was (and still is) this
Touhoku region with a harsh climate. There lived a powerful daimyou. At the time daimyo were badass lords that were rulers over most of the country and they only submitted to the shogun's words. And anyway,
Date Terumune was a cool
daimyo of the Mutsu Province and everyone wanted to be him and with him. But he ended up with one fine princes called
Yoshihime who was the daughter of the
Dewa province's daimyo. So after everything got legal and they become waifu and husbando, le lands also combined (Mutsu province + Dewa province = Touhoku region). After passionate love or not, between the high ranked male-human Terumune and high ranked female-human Yoshihime,
Date Masamune was born. -
on Sept the 5th of the sad year of 1567
Young Date Masamune was like no other shota of his time. You know, kids around those days might have got forced into learning how to fight and how to deal with life problems, but not the smart and strong willed boya Masamune.
He manage somehow to get smallpox, but he had a strong body and he fight that infection back. He survived and won the war with death but lost a battle as the
smallpox got the vision in his right eye.
His mother, Yoshihime, had this problem that she couldn't stand looking at disgusting things cause it would made her sick to her stomach. While Masamune had the smallpox she didn't not even once looked in his direction. After he got cured and remained with the blind eye his mom got so grossed that she rejected his existence. Masamune was so depressed about his mom not loving him and all of that so he went to train and not to think too much about it. While training, a random
senpai from le clan was passing by and saw fragile body Masa and laughed at him. "U think u could ever became a true warrior? pfff please stoph. u are embarrassing. Look at u! u are half blind. Why bother how to learn and hold a katana? Wut u gonna do if someone tries to attack u by getting close to u from ur right side?" said cynical Senpai while grabbing Masa's right shoulder. Masa slapped Senpai's hand away as he turned and said "Don't fuck with me, Senpai." and he stick his fingers in his own blind eye and plucked it out "W- WHAT ARE U DOING!" screamed horrified Senpai and Masamune smashed the eye at Senpai's feet. With blood dripping from his right eye and with a crazy smirk on his lips he said "One eye or no eye wont make me less of a fighter. Imma rip off ur inner organs Im maji not in the mood for ur shit. Beat it old man" And Senpai run away. Masa remain behind and was laughing like crazy as he turned and saw his mother's shocked face. She wanted to find Masamune and talk with him again. She thought she might have been too harsh but right now looking at her child... she was lost. Masa smiled and got up his arms and walked to her mom "DONT COME NEAR ME!" screamed her while covering her mouth. Masa stopped surprised "But.. okasan i love u I want to hug u" "STOP IT!" shouted her and then vomit in front of him. "O-kasan are u ok?" "Dont say another word! U make me sick u contemptible dog. U are disgusting! I thought of giving u another chance but there is NO WAY i can ever look at ur face again . U are a monster! and ugly human! u repeal me." Stunned shota Masa looked at her mom that refused to look back at him. He was feeling pain in his chest. He understood that he got from not being loved and ignored, into being hated by the person he loved so much. Tears started to fall from his left eye as he even forgot about the pain in his still bleeding right eye. "I will make another son. A beautiful son worth of this family. Its better if u go and die" ended her with a cold voice and left.
A few months later
Masamichi (aka Kojiro) his young brother was born. Masamune was 11 years old at the time.
Masamune kept training hard and
when he was 14 years old he led his first campaign, helping his father fight the Souma family. As he was still ignored by his mother he one day walked up to his dad. "Otosan I-" / "Just dont." said his dad with a harsh tonality.
Masamune had a good education so he made a scroll letter to his dad writhing it with perfect strokes and put one of his Senpais to send le letter to his dad. His dad read the letter rolled the scroll back threw in le fire and said "As expected of my own son". The next day his dad announced that he will
retire from being a daimyo and Masamune will be the one
inherit everything he has. At the sound of such a blasphemy, his mom got up and slapped his husband. Took small Kojiro and left the room.
Masamune was 17 at the time.
Masa got wild and
attacked and conquer everything and everyone around him
even his own kin. He was the big boss nao he could do whatever he wanted and how he wanted.
One day when he was in his 20s he went out
hunting and
he received word that his father was kidnapped by the Nihonmatsu family. "What?" asked Masa with a sirius feisu. The messenger repeated what he said. Masa walked to him with a fierce look into his beautiful left eye (was wearing a badass eyepatch on the right one) and cut that guy's chest and killed him. He looked at the dead body and said "I heard what u said what i dont understand is how dare u come here all the way from those lands and not rescuing ur old bossu urself" then he looked around at his men and said "It's time men Tonight we kill". So they left to rescue his dad. As they got closer to the destination and Masamune was flawlessly riding le horse, while wearing his favorite crescent-moon-bearing helmet, he saw (...)
End of Purple version of the Masamune Story - [i]to unlock the Gold version you must offer a land worth one million koku
Le Story of Tokugawa Ieyasu - Purple version
as told by SirJoker based on internet researching
Disclaimer: The fictional tells of Ieyasu's childhood are made of pure imagination based on the actual history information. However, I am not trying in any way to insult or make fun of the history of Japan or of Tokugawa Ieyasu himself or any other person! I still find fascinating to read and learn about the great personalities in the history of Japan~♥
[spoiler]
The great Edo Period of Japan started with Tokugawa Ieyasu, as he was the one that establish at Edo (aka Tokyo) the shogunate with him being the firs shogun of this period - year 1603, March the 24th. In other words, tho he wasnt the real OG in the line of shoguns he was the real OG in the line of Edo rulers. And as any great person in the history of Japan, he ended up being legendary because his family was all messed up. This days if mama and papa are not in a good relationship or le kids are not in a good relation with them, le kids will end up all messed up in bad ways. Back in the time the kids ended all messed up but not in such a bad way. I mean look at Ieyasu his childhood was shit yet he still manage to do things and be someone.
Water u means his childhood was shit? you might ask.
His parents were 17 and 15 years old when he was born (guessing le mama was younger). How that even happened? Well they were step-siblings so im guessing they were hanging a lot together. 2 years later, after Ieyasu was born, mama's father was like 'bitch u coming home! u are not allowed to ever put foot in that hood again. Its bad influence for u.". Later on, after years she did met up and got together with his first man but they both kept on doing their business and make other children with other random ppl around the hood.
MEANWHILE the family split as they didn't agree what gang to join. At le time the most badass gangs where Oda gang and Imagawa gang (Swords, fights, insults everyday. Fun time!). Most of le family including Ieyasu's papa Hiro-kyun, were in favor of Imagawa gang.
When Ieyasu was 6yo, Oda gang invaded le hood, so Hiro-kyun when to le boss of Imagawa and was like "I who has always admire u and ur power, would humbly ask for ur help so i can fight back and kick out Oda gang from my hood Will u herpes me?". Yoshi-san the leader of Imagawa clan said "U know Hiro-kyun, ive been watching u and ur pretty ass hood. I rike it. U seem like nice ppl and shit" / "why ofc we are naisu! Most of us maji likes u, i would do anything so pleazu give us a hand." / Yoshi-san smirked and spoke calmly "oh imma help u but it wont be for free. I want smth in exchange..." / "We dont have one million koku but we can still offer u something..." / "oh pls dont insult me offering me money. I want a life! How about the life of ur child?" / "LE GASP" said Hiro-kyun / "Zats right! send ur boya to Senpu where i will keep him as a hostage and vil play vit him" / "ugghhh" screamed Hiro-kyun as he feel into his knees "it pains me to do this.... but very well. I want to save my hood."
He went back homu he grabbed shota Ieyasu and throw him in a carriage to be transported to Senpu "Im so not gomen, son" were his last words, as shota Ieyasu was crying and screaming out his father's name.
MEANTIME Hide-san the leader of Oda gang was proudly riding his horse in Hiro-kyun's hood only to piss him off, as out of nowhere a ninja appeared and whispered in Hide-san's ear about Hiro-kyun's plan. Hide-san looked back at some of his men, they looked back at him and nod-ed as if they understood and left. After a while they caught up with Ieyasu in his way to Senpu and abducted him.
Hide-san sent message to Hiro-kyun which said "If u dont broke all ties with Imagawa gang and dont let me rule u imma kill ur ugly boya"
Hiro-kyun sent message back "Too late bitch i sold my kokoro to Yoshi-san. He is the best U SUCK! Imagawa FTW!" As he read le message Hiro-san felt like slapping Ieyasu that was trying to hold back his tears. But Hide-san had a soft kokoro he kinda felt sorry for le boya. "Im sure there would have been darker times if u would have ended up in Senpu. I will not kill u kid. But this are difficult times we are living in. Im afraid u will still be needed at some point. U will not be put u in prison but i will send u to Manshoji Temple as a long terms hostage. Im really sorry for u kid" spoke softly Hide-san as he petted Ieyasu's had.
He stood there as hostage for 3 years. But not long aster he got to le temple both Hiro-kyun and Hide-san died because of reasons. In this time Naga-kyun (the 2nd child of Hiro-san) became the leader of the gang.
One day Choro-san (Yoshi-san's uncle) and his small but strong sub-gang surrounded le castle in which Naga-kyun lived and were vandalizing the area and stuff. He went to spoke with Naga-kyun "Imma leave if u hand over Ieyasu to the Imagawa gang" / "Ughhh wutever just leave u stink" said Naga-kyun. So Ieyasu who was now 9 end up hostage in Senpu where he was suppose to be in the first place. He was kept there as hostage until he was 15 yo but he still remain Imagawa's puppet.
One day all bored Yoshi-san said to Ieyasu "U are 16 nao. Which means u are officially a man. Which means i lost interest in u. Which means u can go and marry some gurl. Which means u are allowed to go back to ur hood too" and then looked Ieyasu in his eyes "But im not releasing u. In exchange for all of this u will have to pretend to fight for Oda gang" . Ieyasu accepted.
Later on because he was such a bitch with too many hidden plans, Yoshi-san died in battle as a result to Naga-kyun's gang surprise assault.
Nao that Yoshi-san was dead, Ieyasu has (...)
End of Purple version of the Ieyasu Story - [i]to unlock the Gold version you must offer a land worth one million koku[/i]
Victory
From passing round to passing round
Kagami brings us all to town
My deductions swift ready to solve each puzzle
But my first attempts leave me in a muzzle
But it thanks to my team that I don't lose faith
Yes, my team that wouldn't leave me in the place of eighth!
At the very start where it all began I was on team blue with a plan
The plan to win because the prize very well could be a delicious piece of flan.
It was round two where I made my name known to our clan!
I solved each unscrambled Pokemon name before team red could even stand.
Oh how I won that round for sure but little did I know what Red had found.
They won Brock's challenge..they stole me as I heard the sounds of ticking clocks.
My winning scheme still grew as me and Pkfire of Red won the next challenge too!
Our grins grew tasting victory until the next round began where that was history
Boxes, boxes, boxes everywhere with no speck of light to be found!
It was our job to go through them all and find a switch that would grant our wish!
But box after box...there was no end in sight as if it was a pure parasite.
In the end red team lost at the hands of the all mighty box with a loss.
Hope was not lost as a magician always gives his best poker face in any race!
We merged as one "Team Yellow" with nobody now being that nice of a fellow.
It was win or go simple as that and not even the purrs of a cat could change that.
The next act began and I stole the win as nobody could take the magic under my hat.
So get ready everyone its time to pick up your bat!
Because Winter-Sonata is going all in and not looking back.
*drops mic*
Preface:
I watched the Winter 2016 season without paying attention to any anime related website or related source. After finishing Konobu I was surprised to see it as a favorite among many of my friends and people I admire and respect in the anime community. So let me first start of by saying I didn’t connect to the series as well as others. I thought it was a fun quick anime to pass the time. This high praise made me start to really think about how I feel towards the series. At a certain point I asked myself “Is Konosuba sexist or misogynistic?” This question surprised me because I am a die hard harem fan and have watched more harem anime than I can count. I write lengthy reviews on random harem shows that no one ever reads. I’m a guy who doesn’t consider myself a feminist. I’m for equal pay for equal work but I’m tired of the media’s frenzy over feminism and personally think many supposed “feminists” have gone too extreme and equate feminism with man hating. I am hesitant to even write this because I know I’m going to anger people, many of whom will scoff at the title and comment on how stupid I am to even question this.
Why Konosuba can be perceived as being misogynistic:
Literally every female character is portrayed as being dumb. I don’t even mean the main cast, even the secondary cast falls victim to this. The only smart one as the anime points out is the male protagonist Satou. When I say dumb I don’t mean not being smart it terms of understanding magic, I mean being generally clueless and lacking common sense. The female lead Aqua is said to have a low intellect, you see her leveling up water tricks instead of more important stats. Another female named Lalatina is a masochist and wants to be abused making her entirely irrational. Megumin is a witch who uses too much magic and needs Satou to carry her, there is a weak submissive female lich named Wiz, a thief girl who becomes a baby once her panties get stolen. In fact multiple females in the show are shown as being helpless and require Satou to come save them. They constantly beg and whine to Satou. There is not one strong female character.
The running gag is that everyone in Satou’s party is helpless making the team dysfunctional. It can be argued that this is the whole point of the comedy show, that is why it is funny. I give comedians a lot of slack when it comes to comedy. Personally I think it’s ok to be sexist in a playful manner but not in a way where there is apparent ill will to whatever group you are making fun of. If you look at Konosuba 90% of the time, the girls are the brunt of the joke. Even Satou the male protagonist constantly berates Aqua. When this happens over and over again at a certain point you begin to wonder if this is becoming misogynistic. Which might be why I was slightly annoyed and frustrated when watching the show. I got bored and tired of it. “Oh look Aqua’s being dumb again, oh look Lalatina wants to be abused again, oh look Megumin needs to be carried again.”
Since watching Konosuba I have watched a random harem anime called Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance and it made me confirm my stance on why I feel the standard harem treatment of women is different than Konosuba. I would say harem anime are sexist, you have girls inexplicably falling in love with the protagonist for no apparent reason. Females can be clueless or stubborn, even the standard strong female falls in love with the MC. But I could never call a harem anime misogynistic. I think a big part of why is because in a harem anime there is still a plot even if it is pretty thin and weak. Throughout the course of a harem anime you begin to connect and care for the females. You see their faults and insecurities, you see how they grow in order to rise up and meet some goal. You mostly laugh at the MC and not at the girls themselves.
On a final note this is all very subjective and your opinion probably differs than mine. My problem with Konosuba is not that it is sexist but that it is misogynistic. I do not believe that every anime needs to have a strong female, I think a lot of recent tv shows and movies have a strong female lead for the sake of having one. However in Konosuba the girls are all perceived as being dumb and in a country like Japan where there is a high degree of gender inequality, where you see females on japanese variety shows just there to smile and look pretty, it all becomes a little jarring. Konosuba is a comedy, a parody in fact so I get where they were going with this; but personally the gags got old over time. Maybe they are parodying the role of women in anime, but honestly I think that is a bit of a stretch. I don’t think the anime is smart enough for that, and if that is true it was never tasteful or clever. Here’s looking at you Succubus whore house and the gratuitous Lalatina bath scene. In Konosuba the girls are always the brunt of the joke, I laughed at first but over time it changed from being endearing to just being mean.
