I feel a need to apologize for something I did for the longest time.
I'll start from a more base origin.
I've always had a problem with confidence. That also meant I was never very extroverted. In class, I rarely ever put forth effort to talk. It was more like I put forth extra effort to say the right thing. There was a battle inside of me between the desire to express how I felt and moderating it so it wouldn't be wrong in anyone's eyes. I was pretty isolated actually, probably responding only when something happened that I found personally interesting and also easy to deal with.
Due to not being extroverted, my hobbies were primarily gaming and anime. So, one specific year of high-school I spent on a Detective Conan marathon. I would literally just immerse myself in learning, and then immerse myself in DC.
A horrible habit formed over time. After habitually avoiding conversation and thoughts from other people, I escaped to an anime for all my social needs. Anything outside of it I was unknowingly dismissing, not taking seriously, and avoiding. So as a result when it came to discussing anime with other people I was extremely defensive and I took it personally.
When it came to responding online to other fans, I was pretty vitriolic and childish. My sense of self-importance regarding Conan was such that when I saw an explanation I'd never thought of it vexed me, and whenever someone would express their objective experience with Conan I'd feel slighted. I never felt that the commenting function was a way that everyone who enjoyed a show could appreciate it; it was a bother to me to even read or interact.
In hindsight, I'm glad I've grown significantly since. I regret my internet adolescence, where I could have shared my experience and viewpoints and grown from listening to others. But in ways I still revert to my old way of thinking and my old method of protecting myself; I fail to catch it at times. That's why this is an apology for past actions as well as a declaration that I will not repeat the mistakes of the past. If there are people willing to discuss a show, I'll value their responses as others that have gone through the same experience.
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