Friends.
WoW, very strange name. Can I use "amigos"? It's the "translation" to my first language, and even I don't know very well etymologies in English, I'll develop my thoughts based in what I know much better. I am 17 years old at this exactly moment, close to 18, as my date birth in my profile says; but I speak and write my first language so very well that some people, expecially teachers, think that I am a genious or I'm copying and paste from another. I am only like Portuguese, memorized almost all rules and exceptions and can write such as I've read. However, my English is poor nowadays because I'm learning yet. So my argues will be simple or confusing... Anyway, let's continue.
"Amigos" are people that you and others consider closer, helpful and you (plural) can stay connected by a unknow (should be stronger) bond. Since someone can dive into your "âmago" (core), you "ama" (love) it. Did you see similarities? Well, it's my intention to write it in Portuguese, not in English....
In my childhood, I used to have any "amigo". I usually to be the strange guy, even nowadays. Since my 7 years I realized that I couldn't handle pressure, troubles and my thoughts alone. Then I was looking forward "amigos". Changing schools, I was registered by EP (acronym of the school) for February 2006 to March 2013 (3rd to 5th elementary school years, whole middle school and begin of first year of high school, even schoolar year usually starts at February in my country). I achieved true "amigos" when I was on middle school. However, time passed and just after my middle school ended, my ex "namorada" (girlfriend) broke up (December 20, 2012... One day before end of world LOL). After, more and more "amigos" follow your ways and dreams (so do I, I guess), and I realized that I was about alone. I was alone at my house from March to May. From May 22 to February 2014, I count with one "amigo" only. Rest are classmates or family (I can't trust on them) or virtual friends (even they are so far, it's hard)... And then I moved to another school, and I am currently registered at this school.
More and more facts happened, but my moves and fights proved me that nothing is forever, and I was wrong about people who I considered as "amigos", I guess. You could like people at the Internet, but they can't really help you. Even only one had saved my life with a IM chat, it's still insufficient. Now... I realize that due to I often pull my troubles into my "amigos" and expect that they can help me, I will always being frustrated. They are running away from me. Always. In some time, it always occurs. I can't do anything to change it. I am about to be used to it.
Human beings are very limited, and my failures and my experiences proved it to me. They can't understand me. They shouldn't understand. I am a sinner, a failure, and should be an watcher. I don't have claim to go through my stupid dreams, count on persons or "be happy".
"You're always doing something to claim attetion, aren't you?" Sara Gaspar asked me yesterday. It entered in my core such as a blade. Déjà vu.
I think that she could be right. Nevertheless my choices are decreasing... I'll lose this battle against myself and world. And it remembers me what Hachiman said about at episode 12 of first season of OregaIru. To release myself to this pain, I must do this. But I can't do it anymore... I shouldn't ruin any life anymore because my usual fails.
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